Jeff Fine

The Anatomy of a Couple’s Fight: Triggers, Perceptions, Actions, and the Unspoken Softer Feelings Underneath

anatomy-of-a-fight_TotalSelf Considered podcast

Why do so many couples fight about the same things over and over? What are the obstacles to sending clear emotional signals that allow partners to respond to each other with empathy and compassion? How can partners learn to work together to defeat the common enemy in their relationship, the negative cycle?

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Wendy Tomkiel, a certified EFT therapist and supervisor who is also trained in AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), and ISTDP (Intensive Short Term Dynamic Therapy). Wendy and Jeff breakdown the anatomy of a couple’s fight, by explaining the primal wiring that all humans have, and the ways attachment needs shape our reactions to each other. Through typical examples of negative cycles, they pinpoint how EFT helps couples slow down enough to see their own movements in a cycle, and access more options when they start to fall into old patterns.

Emotionally Focused Therapy: A Roadmap for Distressed Couples

EFT therapy for distressed couples

In this episode of The Total Self Considered, Jeff Fine interviews Dr Laurie Freeman,
a licensed psychologist, certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist/Supervisor (EFT), and
a certified Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapist (AEDP).
Jeff and Laurie breakdown how this approach works and discuss why the outcomes after
therapy are consistently positive. They also present a vignette of a distressed couple going
through a series of agonizing negative interactions, explain the dynamics and patterns
underneath, and highlight how EFT can help the partners to resolve their underlying issues.